Squirrelopnik update: jihad counterattack

"Ash78, voting early and often" (ash78) 01/13/2016 at 10:19 • Filed to: None

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Original post is !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! , but I’m proud to say that on Sunday morning, I took out one jihadi on my back porch at about 10 yards with my .177 nitrogen-powered sniper rifle. I hit him with a second shot from closer range just to be humane. The last thing I need is for these things to start capturing my kids and torturing them in retaliation. Hearts and minds.

Not 30 minutes later, I saw one in my neighbor’s side yard. It was out in the open between houses and I thought it would be bad form to fire so close to my allies, but I had to take the shot. 40 yards, one shot, one kill. His buddies didn’t even have a chance to collect the body before a local hawk came to reap the spoils.

In addition, one more chipmunk died of exposure in my “humane” trap, and two ground-feeding birds accidentally ended up in my rat traps. Collateral damage makes me sad, but those traps were well hidden and I always hate catching birds.

No more squirrels in my joists...yet.

Party-vi > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 10:22

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Put their heads on pikes to serve as a warning.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 10:24

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Squirrelhadi?

Nut Qaeda?

TheHondaBro > Party-vi 01/13/2016 at 10:24

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Or put a squirrel head on a turtle and blow it up in front of the other squirrels.

Zerofret > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 10:25

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Gotta go Jack Bauer on those rodents!

PatBateman > Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras 01/13/2016 at 10:26

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Taily-ban.

Raymundo > Party-vi 01/13/2016 at 10:27

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That’s how I ward off Termites from eating my home. Little termite heads on little pikes around my home.

EL_ULY > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 10:27

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Ashah Ashbar!

I have same issue but with rats. I took 2 out with spring loaded traps but I know there are more. I wonder if there is a way to take them all out at once without WMDs

PatBateman > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 10:28

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You need to be careful of counter strikes at this point. Fortify your position, set up lookouts, and have a response team ready to go. Also, set up a seemingly weak position along your defense lines that the enemy would attack and set up booby traps and crossfire scenarios.

Good luck, and Godspeed. Stay vigilant.

Ash78, voting early and often > TheHondaBro 01/13/2016 at 10:30

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Hola, DEA!

-this space for rent- > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 10:32

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A few years ago squirrels pulled one of soffit boards down and got into my attic. Upon discovery I got up on my ladder and tacked the board back up until I could go buy supplies for proper fix. Less than and hour later I discover this little ahole stuck in my soffit. So we shot nerf darts at him.

Ash78, voting early and often > EL_ULY 01/13/2016 at 10:34

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I have both. The squirrels are the better climbers, so they’re more a threat to my property right now, getting into the attic and between floors. The rats tend to stay at ground level, so they’re around the perimeter and in the crawlspace — secondary targets.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 10:37

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Landmines. I’m pretty sure you need landmines.

Is a nitrogen rifle just a fancy air rifle? .177 caliber is what I'd expect from air-rifle pellets.

Ash78, voting early and often > gin-san - shitpost specialist 01/13/2016 at 10:42

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1. Too many civilians. If I could find an anti-personnel mine that was triggered only from 1-2lbs of pressure, I’d do it.

2. Yes, air. .177, or 4.5mm if you’re into that whole NATO thing :D

Birddog > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 10:47

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This is just the best! Get those little bastids!

TheHondaBro > PatBateman 01/13/2016 at 11:09

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ISISQUIRREL

Nibbles > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 11:15

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Reading your posts makes me happy to have a hunter cat. We rarely see anything more than carcasses

One time however a mouse got in the house and holed itself up in our master bath. Poor thing. I went and got Jaspers; he walked into the bath (yes our hunter cat comes when called) and I shut the door behind him. A couple minutes later we hear the telltale “MOWWW” of a cat with a full mouth. I open the front door, the wife opens the bathroom door and he runs safely outside, quarry in hand - er, mouth

450X_FTW > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 11:23

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While deer hunting in November this lil bastard invaded my corn pile. So tempting to see what happens when a .30-06 meets a squirrel(SOB I cant get the pic to upload)

The Ghost of Oppo > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 11:24

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but I had to take the shot. 40 yards

My peripheral reading vision saw this from a few lines up as “.40" and I thought you were gonna say you used a .40 cal

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 11:29

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My dad shoots up to about 50 squirrels a year in his yard in town on his 0.25 acre corner lot. He uses a .22 with bird shot. Close range. Live traps just make them someone else’s problem. He doen’t advertise his shooting skills due to lots of PETA and Hippy around there so gotta be steath about it.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > 450X_FTW 01/13/2016 at 11:30

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I used to pop gophers with my .270, not much gopher left after a body shot.

Ash78, voting early and often > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/13/2016 at 11:52

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My humane traps are only to prevent broken fingers (2 kids). I either let them freeze/dehydrate to death, or I gas them in a trash bag with starter fluid. I sure as hell don’t “relocate them at least 5 miles away.”

Both methods are humane, IMHO. It sure beats getting eaten alive by a hawk.

Ash78, voting early and often > 450X_FTW 01/13/2016 at 11:54

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A Garand Plan!

/groan

TheRealBicycleBuck > Nibbles 01/13/2016 at 11:54

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Our cats always tried to bring their catches inside, not outside. The most exciting catch was half a rabbit. We found the other half outside when the cat and the catch were removed from the house.

Ash78, voting early and often > The Ghost of Oppo 01/13/2016 at 11:54

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40mm. Bought it Navy surplus, they used to take out income missiles with them...

EL_ULY > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 11:55

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Crap, so the things I hear in the attic at night are most likely not rats.

If I put traps out every night, i’m almost positive i’ll catch something every time

Ash78, voting early and often > EL_ULY 01/13/2016 at 11:59

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Norway (common) rats RARELY venture into attics. You could have roof rats, which are the only other kind in North America. They’re small and black, and pretty rare in most places.

But I’m guessing squirrel. Get some Havahart traps and see what you catch...

EL_ULY > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 12:01

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will do.

E92M3 > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 12:13

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We had flying squirrels in the attic last year. I didn’t even know there WERE flying squirrels in Georgia. There are no trees within 40 ft of the house, so I wasn’t sure what it was till I trapped one. They would glide from the trees in the back yard onto the roof at night and come in thru a gap in the soffit. In 34 years I have never seen one prior.

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > -this space for rent- 01/13/2016 at 12:14

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The panic he must have felt LOL.

FerrousJackal > Nibbles 01/13/2016 at 12:17

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You no-shit have a cat named Jaspers? MSPA got pull.

Cé hé sin > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 12:34

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Squirrells in your roof are a big thing in America? We have your greys which some halfwit thought it would be good to import but I’ve never heard of them rummaging around in houses.

Mice are another matter though.

Nibbles > FerrousJackal 01/13/2016 at 12:51

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No shit. We adopted him with the name Jasper. I saw it fitting to add the trailing letter :)

Nibbles > TheRealBicycleBuck 01/13/2016 at 12:53

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We do receive murder presents from time to time. Since his meow is different when his mouth is full, we just don't open the door until he's cleaned his plate.

JustAnotherG6 > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 12:53

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I’ve shot a 50 cal pistol once... on a range.... nearly code browned.

Master Cylinder > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 13:13

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We have a couple bird feeders - we like watching and photographing the birds that come around - and of course it attracts the squirrels. Unfortunately, I live in the suburbs and there’s no way I can shoot the little bastards. I am a pretty decent shot, but any misses are gonna go into someone’s house or yard, and I just can’t guarantee 100% accuracy. Lots of neighborhood kids, too.

I’ve thought about getting an airsoft gun just to annoy them, but I’d feel bad if I actually injured one.

Ash78, voting early and often > Cé hé sin 01/13/2016 at 14:00

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Yep — I’ve seen a mouse or two in my entire life, but 100+ squirrels a day. It depends on how wooded your surroundings are. As most of Europe was deforested over 3,000 years for fuel, grazing, and construction, I’d imagine populations are much lower overall.

Ash78, voting early and often > Master Cylinder 01/13/2016 at 14:01

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I’m the same way...half acre in the suburbs, but neighbors all around. I can only shoot almost straight up, into the ground, or at close range with nothing important behind it. That means I have to pass up 90% of my good killshots. Better safe than sorry....

Cé hé sin > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 14:33

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Plenty of woodland but seemingly not the kind that attracts squirrels to houses. Our native red squirrels are being forced out by the American imports and are much more wary of people in any case.

House mice, though, are everywhere and traditionally come indoors in October. The noise they make running around under floorboards and inside interior walls is extraordinary for such a tiny creature.

wiffleballtony > Ash78, voting early and often 01/13/2016 at 15:40

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That squirrel’s squirrelets are going to be radicalized because of your actions. Clearly if it had a job and the temperature was a bit lower it wouldn’t have come to this.

Ash78, voting early and often > wiffleballtony 01/13/2016 at 15:51

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If Europe had just been more welcoming, maybe we wouldn’t be overrun with Norway rats.

Nice jobs, Scandinavian socialists!

mrbaits > Cé hé sin 01/13/2016 at 15:57

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Yes they are. I had a problem with squirrels chewing holes in my house to access the attic, I would patch one hole and another would be chewed open within a day. I ended up getting metal siding installed to keep them out.

dietryng > Party-vi 01/13/2016 at 16:05

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tails. hang the tail from your car antenna. its like confirmed kill flying ace hashes.